Caught Between The 'What Ifs'

Sacrifice. Surrender. Simple words. But will power, generally gives me a hard time.

I look at God the Father and wonder how He managed to give up - surrender His one Son to people who only nailed Him to a cross.

It was predetermined that Christ would die a certain death. The Father knew. Yet He gave up Jesus. And I cannot fathom the Father's pain. I gather together my treasure and tell God here they are. They are nothing in value in contrast to the sacrifice on the cross, but they are my treasure and I want to hold on to it.

I cry while I offer it God and waver between the 'what ifs'. But while i cry and wail, in my mind I see the Son go forth, unwaveringly, toward the mount, the cross on His back - His destiny - death - to die for a sinner like me, who wavers between the 'what ifs', when He has something far more awesome than my heart can fathom.